Before I went to Chicago, I thought the hardest part would be living in a big city. Once I was there, I thought it would be evangelism. Now that I'm home, I know that the absolute hardest part of going to CSM is leaving.
*Warning: this is an entire 10 weeks in Chicago summarized into one post. It's gonna be long and it's still not gonna get nearly everything.*
As a Museum Studies Minor, I am required to do an internship. I figured, the summer is a great time to do that because it's prime tourist season and I have nothing else going on. My goal for this summer was to get an internship at the Creation Museum in Kentucky. I started the process a little late, but I had talked to someone on the phone about it, had visited there before, was a strong Christian, and things usually work out for me, so I just kind of figured that it would happen somehow. I mean, if I'm going to do an internship anywhere, wouldn't God want me to be in a Christian-based museum? At the beginning of March I was informed that they didn't have an internship that fit my skill set. I was pretty disappointed and wasn't really sure where to go from there. As I said, I'm used to things working out in my favor, so when they don't, I get a little lost. What now?
I co-lead a bible study on my campus and we start most weeks by sharing our highs and lows from the previous week. I hadn't really processed the rejection yet or thought much about what I was going to be doing instead when I mentioned my rejection as a low at bible study. I was bummed, but not too much more than the usual lows that I give each week. I figured people would hear about it, sympathize for a minute, and then forget about it. But my co-leader and discipler Heather saw an opportunity. The next day when we met for discipleship, she asked me,
"Have you considered doing a summer mission?"
In all honesty, summer missions had never been anywhere on my radar. I've done mission trips before with my high school youth group, but I think, to me, they were more bonding experiences than anything. I had thought that I knew what I was doing for the summer so I never listened when the topic of Cru Summer Missions came up at weekly meetings. I wasn't doing it so it didn't matter to me. But suddenly, Heather was telling me about how I could get an internship while I was there and she was pulling up the page for me to explore and then she just left me to it for a few minutes. I don't think I'll ever quite be sure how it ended up happening, but before I knew it, I was filling out the online application and meeting with one of our staff ladies so she could write a recommendation letter for me.
And then I just had to wait. This galled me a bit. I wanted to know where I was going so I could start looking into internships. That was my focus going into this, getting an internship for school. The mission came second in my mind. I had to wait a couple weeks until after spring break to finally receive a call from one of the mission staff to talk over my application. Then, one Friday at work I see a missed call on my cell and receive an email telling me that I've been accepted to Chicago Summer Mission 2015. I'll admit it, I was excited. I immediately texted Heather to let her know. I'm pretty sure she was always more excited for me than I ever could be.
I didn't take it very seriously at first, though, and probably not even until I was actually in Chicago. I had 10 days to get the deposit in to secure my spot, and I waited until Friday morning, just before I walked out the door to go on a club trip to Indianapolis, to fill out the forms and get a check in the mail. I didn't read through the packet we received very thoroughly. I refused to do any follow-up calls for support raising. I turned in my book report a week late. And I never quite got around to applying to any internships. I finally knew what I was doing with my summer and that was all I cared about. I didn't know anything.
My mom can be kind of overprotective and paranoid at times so she hated that she had to wait for me to hear about our housing situation. How does she know what to buy for me when I don't even know who I'm living with or what is and isn't provided? Finally, a few days before we were leaving, we got emailed our rooming assignments. Breanna was the first of us to get it and immediately sent out friend requests and an email for us to figure out who was bringing what. Elise and I started our own email because we were sharing a room. Molly was coming late and said she would just bring whatever we forgot. And I can't forget Daena. And that was our room. I waited until about the day before to really pack (when I went to the UK for spring break, I started a load of laundry at midnight so I could leave at 1 p.m.). But finally, we were in the car for the 6 hour drive there. We stayed in a hotel overnight and the next morning is when it all began.
The Road
What exactly is a summer mission? you might be wondering. Simply explained, it is a bunch of Cru staff and students from all over the country getting together for the summer to do mission work. The exact nature of that work will depend on where you go (Jersey Shore, Chicago, Ocean City, etc.). In Chicago, it's going to one of three campuses (Illinois Institute of Technology, University of Illinois Chicago, or University of Chicago) and evangelizing to students who are there for the summer. There is also a focus on evangelism in the workplace. Everyone is encouraged to get a job for the summer and try to have spiritual conversations with your coworkers. Chicago is extra special because we also have the Crossroads Internship, a group of Cru students who have a passion for things such as script writing, filming, graphic design, etc. Instead of getting a job, they intern with Cru and do various projects that Cru campuses request of them as well as doing work pertaining specifically to the mission and they are charged with the special task of designing the Cru winter conference, IndyCC.
A typical week in Chicago was as follows:
Monday: work or a free day, pizza at 5:30, CSM specific meeting (we called it Family Room) at 7:00.
Tuesday: work or campus, Action Group (bible study) at 6:00 with dinner provided, and some community time afterwards.
Wednesday: work or campus, Night with the Lord (aka Date Night with Jesus) at 6:00, prayer and worship together at 9:00.
Thursday: work or campus, dinner at 5:30, open weekly meeting (we called it Vantage) at 7:00.
Friday: work or free day.
Saturday: work or free day.
Sunday: church at 10:00, Impact Team (campus group) meeting at 5:30, mandatory community event at 7:00.
While we were only required to go to campus one day each week, we were encouraged to go any day that we didn't have work.
And that's the gist of Chicago Summer Mission. But it was so, so much more than that.
Where Many Paths Meet
We had 42 staff plus kids and 68 students. On that first day, most of us arrived at Dwight Lofts not knowing most, if any, of our fellow students. We moved in, went on Target runs, and then had a large meeting that night to go over things and get to know each other. Two words: speed friending. I honestly don't remember most of the people I talked to that day, it was all such a blur. I do remember Mindy being one of the first and few to speak up and curly-haired Alex being the other anthro major, and I know I talked to Ben and I'm pretty sure I talked to Brian as well, but more than that is beyond me. I had just started what would be a 10-week long stay in a major city with pretty much complete strangers. Yeah, I was a little nervous, but I figured it would all work out, somehow (as I said, things generally do for me).
Going into it, I didn't have too many expectations. I figured I'd live in Chicago, find a summer job, make some friends, do some evangelism, do some quiet times, and that was about the extent of my expectations. I have always been an adaptable, complacent, and content person. I just figured this would be a change of scenery for the summer with some different people. And, to be honest, that's about what I got out of it for the majority of our time there. I didn't expect much and thus I didn't gain much. Such is life.
My first few weeks were full of job hunting, getting to know people, learning my way around, and trying to be brave enough to do evangelism.
I did a lot of job hunting with Daena and Adam W. At one point, we thought we had jobs at Haagen Dazs on Navy Pier, which was good because we were really starting to get discouraged. It was taking a lot of time, though, so eventually Daena and Adam found jobs elsewhere. I didn't though, so I was persistent and eventually I did get in. I didn't get to work there for a super long time, but I did get to make some money and get to know some of my coworkers. It was an interesting experience because 1) I never wanted to do food service, and 2) I, a Caucasian American, was in the minority. We mostly had African Americans, Hispanic Americans, and Irish students in the city for the summer. Because of this, I was mistaken for Irish about 7 times, and those are only the ones I knew of. I did get to have some light spiritual conversations with a couple of them, but nothing that really went anywhere.
On our second day, we split into groups to do a scavenger hunt around the city and to get our train passes. I had the slight advantage of having taken the underground when I was in London, so I felt fairly comfortable with that. Those first few weeks were a lot of following the staff around to get to the church and such, but we eventually learned our way around by ourselves, especially those things that were within walking distance (and you may be surprised at what is counted as within walking distance when your only other option is to rely on public transportation). And can I just say, transit apps are SO helpful.
Evangelism is part of the reason I decided to do a summer mission, that and working on deepening my relationship with God. In spite of that, I really didn't give it much effort to begin with (or even through most of the mission). I went to campus once a week and usually let my sharing partner take the lead. I've always had a bit of performance anxiety. Give me a script and I am totally good, but when I am left to improvise, I am always worried that I'll say the wrong thing, especially when there is someone looking over my shoulder who can judge what I say. Am I being clear? Am I saying it correctly? Am I leaving anything out? I'm not saying anything incorrect, right? Pretty much, I didn't trust myself to get across this idea of God's love that I knew but barely felt that I understood. So, evangelism was a minimum effort for most of the summer, sadly.
And getting to know people, well that was a given. We were living together, went to church together, ate meals together, went sharing together, had bible study together, and did crazy things together (scavenger hunts, kickball, etc). It was inevitable that we would get to know each other, but the more effort you put into it, the more you'd get out of it. I tend to get peopled-out pretty easily, so I avoided a lot of unnecessary community time that I really should have gone to (hallway hangouts, megabed, etc.). I also tend to find the people I think I get along best with and stick with them, thus other relationships get pushed to the back burner. I did have some great times, though.
One other thing I should mention that was part of the first half of CSM was discipleship. We each spent an hour or so a week talking with one of the staff members about how we were doing and ways we could grow and such. I loved Mackenzie, but I will admit that since I didn't know her super well I wasn't going to go easy on her and just open up. I really don't just open up with anyone, to be honest. Maybe, maybe, my best friends that I've known for years and years now, but even that is rare. Still, Mackenzie pushed me as best as she could with what I gave her and it went well and taught me a lot and got me thinking about things, so I have to thank her for that.
Pursuing it With Weary Feet
The story goes that one year, a conference for all the staff was scheduled in the middle of summer project. The staff had to go and they didn't want to stop the project halfway through, so they had no choice but to leave the students to run the rest of it by themselves. Whether or not that is the absolute truth of how it got started, the tradition today is that the staff leaves halfway through and the students take over. This is when the project truly becomes what you make of it. All the students are assigned a role, from Summer Mission Director, to Action Group leader, From operations team to prayer team. Everything is left to the students. Those with more authoritative positions will keep in contact with staff, but for the most part everything is left up to us. The leaders team decides on the theme for the second half. Meetings team runs weekly meetings and comes up with content. Community team is in charge of food and planning events. Prayer team runs prayer and worship nights. Impact leaders lead sharing on campuses. Action group leaders lead the bible studies. Operations team is in charge of budget. Action group leaders and others on the leaders team disciple other students and get discipled themselves. We choose how we run things from now on. This is when we can no longer rely on the staff to lead us by the hand and we have to step up and just do it. This is when we truly become one cohesive unit. This is when it gets real.
We have to work with the other students to make sure that everything runs smoothly. We have to listen and work together if we want anything to get done. When you see someone forced to take charge, when you see how they handle responsibility, when you see their strengths and weaknesses, that is when you really get to know them, when you really bond. Also, since we were in charge of community events, we got to do things that people actually had a say in rather than just what we were told to do. We had a decades dance party, an amazing race, beach time, prayer walks, things we as students wanted to do.
Now, this may sound awesome. We have the power! But it was also a lot of responsibility. We had new meetings each week to attend to make sure that we were doing our jobs. We had to spend extra time each week on planning and organization to make sure that we were getting things done correctly. We couldn't rely on the staff anymore, so we had to rely on each other and on God. I think it's because of this that it's during the second half of the summer that we really grow together as a community and experience the most spiritual growth as well.
It's also during the second half that people really start to feel the effects of having been away from home for so long. The third week after staff leave is usually when this happens. We've been in Chicago for so long and we're about ready to go home, to go take a break. We don't have staff spurring us on anymore, so we just have to find ways to push each other through to the end. Make it over that last hill and then we can go the home stretch.
The Larger Way
I need to make mention of what is going to be my legacy among every student who went to CSM15. Assassins. After staff left, I decided to start a game of Assassins. If you don't know what that is, it's a game where everyone has a target and the goal is to "assassinate" your target. How you do this depends on how you're playing, but we played where you just had to touch your target with your plastic spoon while they weren't holding their own spoon in their hand. Once you accomplished this, you acquired their target and kept going until only one is left victorious. I waited until after staff was gone because I wasn't sure what they would think of it, it being a game about killing and all. I gave people a few days to let me know if the wanted to play (and I was still adding people even after I started sending out assignments), then we started. Ginger Evan volunteered to be the overseer and keep track of kills so that I could play without any unfair advantages. Originally I just wanted him to keep track of a few so that I wouldn't know who my assassin was, but he convinced me to hand the whole thing over to him and he would just report numbers to me so I could keep a "Kill Circle" recording how many people were left and how many kills each one had made. He took it to a whole new level by taking some inspiration from the Hunger Games and doing Cannons Fire at the end of each day to report the dead. Eventually I ended up leaving decisions to him as well. We started with 46 players and it took 2 1/2 weeks to declare a winner. In that time, we had some spectacular deaths, one quitter, spiritual connections, ridiculous rules, and some really paranoid people. There were a couple points when I wasn't sure if I had been right to start this game, but in the end everyone really seemed to appreciate it and have a lot of fun, and I do think it brought us more together as a community. So that was my contribution.
So, that was pretty much a summary of what CSM15 was and what we did, but what was the point? And was it worth it? The point is whatever you choose to get out of it, and I think I can speak for all 68 students when I say that yes, it was most definitely worth it.
I have always struggled with quiet times, and I still struggle with them, but during the last couple of weeks I was there, I really started to see how important they are. Quiet times give you the opportunity to dig deeper into the Word and really hear what God says. I think part of the reason I've always struggled to really understand God's love for me is that I've never really taken the time to learn about it. I grew up in the church so I figured that I already knew what I needed. The Bible seemed like history books to me. After going through our studies in Philippians and 1 Peter this summer, and seeing how relevant they are to our lives today, I've gained a better understanding of who God is and His will for me. While I still miss quiet times numerous times a week and probably don't dig as deep as I could/should, I have gotten better at remembering to take at least a bit of time to sit down with my Bible and to take time in prayer.
Prayer is another thing that I was always iffy on. I know that you're supposed to take everything to God, but I was always so self-conscious about it. I didn't like praying in groups because I didn't know what to say and didn't want to sound stupid. I didn't want to ask for prayer requests because I figured I could pray for things on my own without troubling others with my problems. Something I learned this summer was to pray in the Spirit, so rather than trying to plan out what I'm going to say if I have to pray out loud, I just speak up and trust God to understand what I'm saying. I also learned that you can't always rely on yourself and sometimes you just need someone to help you, and that is why you have prayer requests. We are all part of God's family and we want to be there for each other.
I think the most growth I had, though, was in evangelism. Before I went to Chicago, I knew that we were called to evangelism, but I didn't really feel called personally. I figured, I'm not a good people person so I'll leave that stuff to those who are good at it. It was especially hard because the kind of evangelism we were doing was getting to know people, connecting with them, and then showing them God's love and sharing the gospel with them, and I just don't connect with people that quickly. I'd hear everyone else talking about how awesome these people that they talked to were and how they loved hanging out with them, and all the conversations I had were just that, conversations. I just can't connect and go deep like that with people after having only met them. I really wish it were otherwise, but that's not who I am and I've learned to live with it. I've gotten a bit better with opening up to people in the last year, but it still takes a while for me to really consider you a good friend that I would actually invite to anything or tell things to. So, yeah, evangelism was hard for me this summer. But in the last couple weeks, I really just saw how much of a heart everyone had for it and for the people they talked to. I realized that I wanted that. I only got to go sharing one day during our last week, but it was a good day. We went to the beach and I had three really good conversations that got pretty deep. No, no one I talked to accepted Jesus, but they got to hear about the gospel and about God's love and see how he showed it through us. Really talking to those people, hearing their stories, seeing how broken and misguided some of them were, I really did start to gain a heart for evangelism. It's still something I'm going to have to work at, but I now understand why we focus so much on evangelism and I want to make it a priority in my life.
And Whither Then?
So, after 10 weeks of living together, eating together, sharing together, being crazy together, and loving Jesus together, those strangers that I had started the summer with had become my family. I realized after I got home that home is where you grow up, and even though we were only there for 10 weeks, we had grown so much spiritually and helped each other grow so much together that every single one of us now considered Chicago to be our home and each other as brothers and sisters, even closer than friends. None of us wanted to say goodbye. On that last day, as we all walked through those doors one-by-one, as Bri so perfectly put it, our "heart[s] shattered into 67 little pieces..." We've only been home a week, but we were ready for a reunion the day after we got home. While we may be in different cities and different states now, we are not apart. We still keep up with each other on twitter, instagram, and facebook, but most of all, we are all still a part of a groupme where we post jokes, memories, prayer requests, updates, and we've even started posting faith steps. We are there to encourage each and every one of our siblings through whatever happens this year and in the years to come. We can't wait for the reunion when we'll get to see each other again and talk face-to-face about what God has been doing in our lives. But for now, we are all heading back to our campuses to take whatever we've learned this summer and apply it in our own ministries. And one day, we will all sit around the campfires of Heaven, reminiscing about these days and the summer that changed everything.
If you are reading this and have never heard the gospel, don't know who Jesus is, or just don't know that God loves you, I encourage you to find a church near you and a Christian who can explain it, because you are missing out on something so amazing that it will change your life forever and you will never look back. The gist of it is that God created you, and he loves you, and he wants a relationship with you, so much so that he sent his son to die so that your sins could be forgiven, no matter how terrible you may think they are. God doesn't care. He wants you to be a part of his family. All you have to do is say yes.
